I get frustrated and angry very easily. It is something that I am working on. I don’t like to get frustrated or angry at my children, husband, or with others around me. When that happens I forget to think before I speak and I know I have said or will say something that is potentially very hurtful.
I am by no means a perfect mother. I get annoyed then frustrated then angry with my children on a daily basis. I continue to pray (and have always prayed) that God will give me patience. Getting frustrated then angry runs in my family. I have always been the one that wanted to break this cycle. I feel I am failing. Patience is a virtue and I will continue to work towards it and with the help and discipline from God I know one day I will get there. I have come so far already. I have learned to hold my tongue and fidget with my foot or fingers when I start to feel frustrated and annoyed. If I get annoyed with other drivers out on the road I sing the songs louder and remind myself that I don’t have to be on time to an appointment. I just have to arrive safely. But many areas are still a work in progress.
I have found this blog to help with my frustrations. This way I can get out all of the anger I have pent up. I read and re-read what I wrote and realized I was getting frustrated over something stupid.
I look at my children and realize that they are learning and I have to teach them with my actions and my words. I have seen that my almost 4 year old imitated everything I say and do. I don’t want him imitating my frustrations or anger. I also don’t want my children growing up to think that they always had an angry mommy. I am not angry, I love my children, and I do the best that I can for them.
So, for now I will continue to learn right along with my children about patience and how to be a person who is slow to anger. I pray my children learn it much faster than I do and teach me how it all works.
About 3 weeks ago my daughter came down with a cold after being in the nursery at church.
Confession: I hate having my kids in there with other snotty faced kids, but I need the adult socialization time more than I realize.
Anyway, that first onset of sickness then leads us to the first doctors office trip with an ear infection (that will be 2 or 3 sleepless night on my part). Then, about 2 days later M. comes down with a cold. Now if you are a female you know that men/boys make being sick a big hullabaloo. My 4 year old is no different. He is just as bad as my husband when he gets sick, only difference is I have to blow his nose.
Fine, I will keep my kids home from church and have no adult social time. I thought everything was on the up and up. I should have know that it was too easy. Well, M. is on the mend and B. is still not sleeping great (insert cranky, patient-less mother) and she is still spewing snot out of her nose in the form of yellow bubbles and green slime.
Next we have a big church party that I am helping plan (both kids are still sick). I am working my bum off to get everything I need done and looking like I’ve been working on for 2 months. The day of the party I have about 3 or 4 last minute things I need to do and that doesn’t include the main dish and dessert I have to make. Wake up the morning of the party and husband is SICK!!! Great, that means no help with the kids all day because husband is a man and needs to lay around all day sleeping and moaning because he has the same cold the kids currently have and are running around the house with. Party was a success, and husband and M. seemed fine that night. (hmmm…)
Now I am starting to not feel very good. My throat hurts, my back hurts, I have a headache, and all I want to do is get a full nights sleep. (Not going to happen because B. is still full of snot.) But I can’t lay down on the couch and pretend that the world doesn’t exist. Why? BECAUSE I AM NOT A MAN! I would have settled for a back rub or go to bed early I will take care of the kids bedtimes. Nope husband is sick so that would never happen (he is far worse that I am, even though we have the same illness). Husband after 3 days says he is feeling back to normal. Great, maybe now I can get my backed rubbed. Nope didn’t happen. Not even with me being very blunt and saying rub my back I am still not feeling that great.
Thankfully, everyone is better and feeling great. Oh wait the one who started it all (B.) is still spewing snot and hacking. When her temperature went above a 101 I decided it was time to head back to the doctor office and figure out if something was still going on. (I was suppose to go the next day for an ear recheck anyways) Well, as it turns out she is showing no signs of a bacterial infection. I was told to “sit tight” and “hold on for the ride.” I am tired, crabby, impatient, and have no energy to do anything. I want my baby back to normal so that we can get back on schedule. How much longer is this going to take.
Confession: I hate sickness (I don’t know who doesn’t)
Spring please show yourself soon so we have fresh air to kick these things out of our systems.
This morning I got my kids breakfast and cleaned them up before I even started to think about my coffee and breakfast. I already knew that I wanted to eat my breakfast and drink my coffee while watching the last hour of GMA. IT DIDN’T HAPPEN! (Suprised?).
My son was complaining that his iPod (my old iPhone 3gs) wasn’t working and he needed help to play the one game. First of all he should not have had his iPod. We only give it to him on Sundays when we don’t want him to nap but have some quiet down time (he is only 3). I should have put it away after he went to bed but I forgot.
My daughter was frustrated with the blanket that was on the couch with me. As any 15 month old she assumes it automatically makes a fort for her to play in when she babbles and yells at it. When this didn’t happen she started to cry and throw a regular old temper tantrum. UGHHHH! Not the morning I was hoping for.
Now, I was angry that they weren’t playing in the playroom quietly and nicely like siblings should. You know, its quiet, they are saying nice words to each other and getting along so well that I just want to brag to everyone that my children are best friends and never fight. Nope that is not my children.
Finally, with only 5 minutes left of GMA I decided I needed some quiet and put on PBS for the kids. I still hadn’t had my coffee but I was able to suck down a bowl of oatmeal. I needed a moment to regroup. With both kids sitting in the living room I ran upstairs to get out of my pajamas, take my vitamins, and brush my teeth. I also grabbed the kids clothes for the day to get them dressed while they watch Curious George (it is so much easier to dress them while they are occupied by the TV screen). Before I headed down the stairs I took a huge deep breath and decided to restart my day.
First things first COFFEE!!!